DISCLAIMER: Let’s play pretend. If you were born in the 1990s era then I am sure you had a famous diary phase where you obsessed over a fictional character’s diary without knowing anything about them and realizing it was a fabrication of the truth.

Well, this is like that – a very exaggerated fabrication of the truth.

I am not much of a writer. I would not even consider myself a “blogger.” However, journaling has proved to be an amazing outlet for myself and something I do frequently. One specific night, as I was madly scribbling while watching When Harry Met Sally for the third time and almost through an entire bottle of wine, I thought to myself, “is this it? Is this what every 28 year old feels like? Sitting on a sheet less bed with a journal and bottle of red in her lap ? Am I the exception to the rule or is it expected to feel this shitty?”

“…and honestly you would be better off watching ConspiracyTok.”

So that brings me to you. You, wondering why you wasted your bathroom break reading this far, and honestly you would be better off watching ConspiracyTok. However, on a serious note, you are all my late twenty girls, all my millennial sisters, the in debt and divorcees, the full time boss babes and mommy mes and whatever the fuck else you want to call yourselves, but especially you who thought this time of their life would be very different: You are not alone and if you want to feel appreciated and heard, follow along with me as I document the wild and weird times of being dumb and divorced.

I used to also love to journal when I was a little girl. And I mean like double pigtails, fourth grade horse girl little. My ultimate dream was that I would die in a horrible plague or tragedy and my diaries would be published to be read for years to come. Somewhat like Anne Frank or Helen Keller — let’s take a pause here and realize that this should have been the first flag for little ole me to see that I need therapy and have several adverse childhood interactions that have made me a severally fucked up adult, but let’s proceed — or maybe on a less serious note, like Sex and the City or Diary of a Wimpy Kid. And I think anyone can publish a blog right? If I am wrong will someone please help a girl out.

Anyways, if you have made it this far – let me (anonymously ? ) introduce myself. I am a 28 year old female, newly divorced, moving four states away for a completely new career, and not knowing what the fuck I am ever doing with my life. So if you can relate, maybe we can be friends. Please don’t “oh” or “aw” me either; I am not spending time writing this for sympathy. If that was the case, I’d give you my complete name, address and Venmo so I could feel just how sorry you all really are. (Haha, get it? Like those fraud GoFundMes??) However, that is not what I am after – instead, I have a hunch that this is a normal season of life and we should be talking about it with each other rather than suffering alone. Hey Barbie, am I right?

Furthermore, I am probably a highly disrespectful citizen of society. I do have a full time career, but my coping mechanisms include the seven deadly sins:

1. Lust: a strong passion for sexual desires, solo actions accepted
2. Gluttony: an excessive eating of food and drink, with food able to contain the natural greens of the earth (wink wink, puff puff)
3. Greed: excessive pursuit of material items and may I add thrift store hauls
4. Sloth: (I kid you not I am enjoying a cannaboid… candy while I write this and open a google search of seven deadly sins, this site says sloth but why may you ask? “Solomon spoke of love saying go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her to be wise.” I kid you not. You cannot make this up ladies and gents) excessive laziness and failure to use your talent or do the laundry – oh and dishes? We don’t know her.
5. Wrath: strong anger and hate, usually towards another person or that one person who chews so loud on our lunch breaks that it is actually more bearable to work through my lunch than endure 30 minutes of that
6. Envy: intense want to have what someone or everyone else has, including the hair headband that looks like bunny ears that is viral on TikTok, because how else can I wash my face
7. Pride: excessive view of one’s self without regard for others and writing their life on a blog even though no one asked

So that’s about how the posts will go. Follow along or don’t, it won’t affect me in anyway.

TaTa for now little turds,

❤ Double D